March 9, 10-medical exams

Medical exam day can be illuminating. For Lia it was. She holds a history that only she can reveal. She lives in fear. Fear of rejection and abandonment. Fear of being hurt or forgotten. Fear of imperfection and fear that she is bad because of her history. She is an angel with a history that she perceives as secrets.

During the color blind test and vision test she wouldn't answer any of their questions.  We assumed that this indicated a learning disability.  This could certainly explain why the orphanage wouldn't put her in school.  During the medical exam, Lia revealed to the doctor and our guide that she wouldn't because she was afraid that she might be wrong. She didn't want Mom or Dad to be mad or disappointed. 

This is the same pattern that we have seen while out shopping or eating. She is reluctant to make a choice apparentlu out of fear of making the wrong choice. Now we are beginning to understand. 

In her infinite wisdom, Doll initiated the conversation when our guide visited us at the hotel. Through the guide, Doll told Lia that it didn't matter what happened in the past, she was a very good person. That we would love her forever. No matter what. Doll also encouraged her to help us understand her past so we can help her move past it. I doubt her fear is gone.  13 years of fear doesn't end in a single conversation.

Sean on the other hand is very open about his physical issues. I doubt he understands much beyond that at this point. 

Love to all.

Craig

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